Er meh Gahd, did you hear? Donald Trump is surging in the polls! He’s added a whole point on Crooked Hillary since last Tuesday! Behind the wheel of his gold plated Trump-Chariot, he’s peeling around the track, gaining ground on the Hillary’s Kankle-Car, leaving establishment cucks and fawning alt-right media fan boys in his wake.
Uh oh, wait a minute. Hold the Obama phone.. Crooked Hillary is catching back up! She’s done absolutely nothing in the past week other than attend a few cocktail parties with big donors and fellow Marxists, but the different polls from different pollsters with different methods of polling have produced a slightly different polling average than just a week ago, so obviously something BIG IS HAPPENING.
Election season politics really is really the lowest form of politics. Whereas in the middle of a President’s term political debate at least pretends to be centered on actual issues or some form of intellectual discussion, relying on well-reasoned dialogue to persist, election season politics is nothing more than a reality television show. It’s a horse race with no ideas, no intellect, and no subjective reasoning whatsoever.
If you were explaining the political process to a child, and you left out all the parts of the climate change, white privilege, and socially constructed genders that the froth-mouthed rabid Republicans are forcing onto them, you might suggest that it’s during election season – when you as a citizen are thinking about who to vote for as your representative – that the most robust, serious debates are had concerning the issues of the day, and the most intellectually fit, passionate defenders of the majority’s principles tend to rise as the cream of the crop, prepared to lead their constituents to a higher standard of living and a robust harmony of interests, as Adam Smith described liberty in a civil society.
Instead, election seasons are a drought of logic and reason, surfacing the least common sense ideas of a society who apparently is content with pretending the election is little more than a horse race. Even that is too majestic of an image now that I think about it. Maybe it’s more of an uphill race between two obese, near death walruses on a slip and slide covered in vegetable oil.
If this isn’t a sign of the times, I don’t know what is. It’s as if we’re determined to prove to the aliens, when they finally arrive and vindicate all those people in Nevada with the lawn chairs and telescopes, that we’re not in fact a race of higher intelligence, but barely more developed than a congress of baboons. Maybe then they’ll conclude that we possess some sort of infectious mental disease and the planet is too tainted to harvest, leaving us and our race on track to instead commit mass cultural suicide.
Maybe it would be easier to join the herd. I could start a nice cozy fire with all my books on our country’s founding, on civilized history, on natural law, on faith and reason, fill up a bong with some of that synthetic weed, rock a faded Obama Biden shirt, sit around and blog instead about pansexualism being a more natural form of existence, threatened only by bathroom signs and anything popular in Texas. Have you seen the website that swears up and down our planet is actually run by lizard people? They’ve figured out that the north and south poles are NOT simply the two ends of our Earth’s axis of rotation, but are really the entrances to the underground civilization of lizard people who occasionally walk among us in human disguise. You can usually tell them apart from the rest of us because of their double eyelids and large doses of Botox. Think Nancy Pelosi or Newt (that’s the tell) Gingrich. Since around 12 million Americans know that lizard people are running the government, maybe that wouldn’t be fringe enough for me…
Either way, I’m ready for this election to be over.