Apparently there are two different ways the government measures me as a good citizen. On the one hand, I’m a law abiding citizen. On the other hand, I apparently may be guilty of breaking loopholes.
I follow every single law the federal government passes or else I go to jail. Although engaging in politics lately has made me feel as though I’m in prison, I must confess that I physically am not incarcerated at this time. The reason is because I follow all of the laws they write, all the way from the good ones to the senseless tyrannical ones. Every year I pay my taxes by April 15th in accordance with the 75,000 page federal tax code. I pay A LOT for health insurance because for some reason the government is allowed to tell me what products I must own, because, you know, they’re “pro-choice”. When I buy a gun I submit to a background check if it’s legally required that I should do so. Perhaps the single greatest example of my respect for the law is that I don’t murder in cold blood every single person that cuts me off in traffic so they can proceed to travel at the same speed I am but instead 5’ in front of me rather than behind. I could, and I’ve got the guns to do it, but I don’t because a) it’s wrong, and b) it’s illegal, in that exact order of consideration.
I follow all of these laws whether they were legitimately passed by Congress or dreamt up by some stoned, unelected and overpaid bureaucrat in the basement of billion dollar government building. Oh sure, the Constitution says that Congress makes laws and the President signs them, but why impede their progress with that nonsense? Congress can debate and change the name of the local post office all they want but the IRS, EPA, DOA, and all of those other magnificent acronym institutions are way more efficient since they only answer to one person – the President. Three cheers for democracy! Hip hip, just kill me now.
And yet, despite this level of out of control government autocracy where the President effectively governs unilaterally, we are still failing to live up to their utopian standards. It’s not enough that I follow the laws they themselves write. Oh no. We are constantly being lectured for taking advantage of all of these supposed loopholes.
Yes. There are actually politicians who write laws telling us, the citizens, that we’re no longer in good civic standing if we break these sacred loopholes that they, the politicians, freaking wrote into law.
Did you purchase your buddy’s hunting rifle from the comfort of your living room instead of going out and purchasing a new one after a proper background check? No, you didn’t break the law, but you broke the hell out of the loophole, and it will cost you your second amendment right because we need to fix this anarchy.
Did you or your business have a significant personal loss in wealth one year that you, in accordance with federal law, wrote off the loss in subsequent tax filings? That may be legal, but it’s a loophole you treasonous swine. Don’t you know it’s your patriotic duty to pay taxes so the government can properly squander it?
Did you withdraw on two different occasions $9,999 of YOUR OWN MONEY so you could buy a car in cash knowing full well that withdrawing cash in an amount over $10,000 would trigger a federal investigation because you’re obviously using it to buy drugs? Prepare for a knock on your door anyways from the loophole police because you’re just trying to subvert federal law by following it.
There is a long and painful list of these ‘loopholes’ that the government is lecturing us about on what now feels like a daily basis, but just know that the solution to every single law written by the elitists in Washington DC is this – more laws and less freedom. The only way to cleanse yourself of your immorality, your shame, your trail of broken loopholes, is to give up your right to participate in anything of your own free will and pay more of your money to the government as a simple ‘thank you’.
Yes, we’re a nation built on truth and justice, equality in the eyes of the law, liberty for the individual to live without government oppression, but let’s throw all of that away for the tyranny of subjective legal standing. How are we supposed to put on paper what is right or wrong, legal or illegal, when the truth is so complex and fluid that only a select handful of individuals can be trusted to determine it? After surrendering our family, our property, our decision making, and our souls to these people, they then can tell us whether or not we’re in legal standing.
The truth is that there is no such thing as a loophole in government. The law is black and white. You’re either following it, or you’re not. It’s either being properly enforced, or it’s not. If there exists any gray or immoral area of law, it’s the fault of the government, not ours.
In my humble attempt to set the record straight, here are five examples of actual loopholes that strangely are discussed approximately never.
1. Law – it’s illegal, and often described as treason, to knowingly disclose to the public confidential and classified information that belongs to the federal government (ie, the US nuclear response time).
Loophole – unless your name is Hillary Clinton.
2. Law – it is illegal, and would be heavily prosecuted, to dump over a million gallons of toxic sludge into a river.
Loophole – unless you’re the EPA.
3. Law – it’s illegal to distribute thousands of illegal guns to Mexican drug cartels.
Loophole – unless you’re the Department of Justice.
4. Law – it’s illegal to spy on the privacy of American citizens, including the media.
Loophole – unless you’re the federal government and, gosh, you just really want to know.
5. Law – it’s illegal to use the federal government to target your political enemies.
Loophole – unless you’re a Democrat.