Dear President-elect Trump,
This letter is to inform you that the federal government totally sucks and we want our incandescent light bulbs back. I’ve heard about the tax cuts you’ve promised and the wall on the southern border and i’m for all of that. Get. It. Done. However, I feel compelled to inform you that you may be missing a crucial opportunity to restore America’s standard of living and it has everything to do with our light bulbs.
For too many years now We The People have been forced to live under the oppressive tyranny of expensive, hazardous, visually repulsive alternative light bulbs known as compact fluorescent lights (CFLs). During the reign of Barrack Obama’s EPA, the wonderfully affordable, time tested, American made, warm light incandescent bulb was deemed to be too energy inefficient and harmful to the environment. We humbly request that you simply file this idiocy into your ‘fake news’ folder and lift the US ban on incandescent bulbs.
I understand this particular restorative request may appear somewhat trivial on the surface, but i’m certain that just a few points of consideration will place incandescent bulbs at the top of your 100 day agenda.
Today, most CFL bulbs are made in China, not America. Here is but one example of an American factory closing up shop due to the federal government phasing out incandescentbulbs. This isn’t something the American people demanded, it was never debated and passed through Congress, it was simply imposed upon us by an authoritarian bureaucracy. Given your positions on American trade and bringing back manufacturing jobs, this particular request should appeal to you.
CFL bulbs are riddled with potential health hazards, including stress, anxiety, an increase in seizures to those with epilepsy, difficulty reading for seniors, and a plethora of other possible side effects that make it all the more insulting that the product is pushed by the ‘Environmental Protection Agency’. Maybe we were to take that to mean that they have no interest in protecting people. This is the same bunch that destroyed a Colorado river with toxic sludge and has yet to suffer any consequences.
But wait a second, it turns out CFL bulbs are terrible for the environment too! No, I don’t mean that they cause phony global warming – although the hysteric climate idiots are happy to claim that too – I mean that they’re filled with disgusting toxic waste that damn near require a hazmat suit for handling when broken. Take a look for yourself all of the crap and exhaustive measures the EPA recommends following when cleaning up CFL bulbs. Or just lift the ban on incandescent bulbs so we don’t have to worry about our kids ingesting mercury.
There is a reason that Americans didn’t buy these alternative bulbs before incandescents were phased out – they suck. America should lift the Obama ban on bulbs and let the free market sort it out. In other words, leave us the hell alone to make our own choices.
I know you’re a busy man, Mr. Trump. You’re soon to be the President of the United States, leader of the free world. I hear it’s a tough job. But this isn’t tough, this is easy. With what would amount to the stroke of a pen, you can release millions of us from the nightmare that is the CFL bulb.
It would be one giant leap towards Making America Great Again.
America (the non-communist ones)